Thursday, November 10, 2011

Well...I'm not sure what to say...

So I'm sure you've noticed that I haven't written in over a month. This is of course my fault, but it was because I wasn't sure what to say. I've been struggling with very painful knee and back injuries since the beginning of October. There was nothing I could say except that I was freaking out, and really wanted to go home. Being in a foreign country, by yourself, where you don't speak the language, makes getting proper medical care a challenge at best. I've gotten enough care to manage, but there is no way I can continue long term. I need doctors at home that I can speak with, physical therapy, and help from my family. I have agreed to stay until the middle of December, December 17 to be precise, but I won't be coming back in January. To be honest, I am still struggling with this decision. I know there is no other option, so I am at peace with it, but I can't help but be incredibly disappointed and upset with myself for not being able to live out this dream.

It's been a bumpy road, so I'm not saying this hasn't been a struggle in various ways, but without the health problems, I could have overcome the other obstacles. Now my frame of mind has completely shifted from making this work at any cost, to counting down the days until I'm going home. It's at 37 if you were wondering, not counting today. And my flight leaves Budapest at 6:45 in the morning, so that hardly counts as a day. A little over a month, and I will be home for good. Weird.

I'm not sure that I will be writing here again, because it is a bit too depressing, but we'll see. I just wanted to let you all know what was going on!

~KMK

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Rewind

Let's rewind about three and a half years. I am a junior at BC, looking forward to my senior year of course. I have been accepted into an English language program at Jagiellonian University in Krakow, Poland for the Fall semester and I am psyched. Once I was accepted, I needed to jump through various hoops at BC as well as for the program and for visas and such. One of these hoops was a series of unnecessarily early morning weekend classes sponsored by our international studies department in order to help us prepare for life and studies abroad. I won't lie, I felt very above all of this. I had been wanting to go abroad for SO long, I had done my research, and I had even spent about five weeks in France after my freshman year, which was a good toe in the water, if you will. I knew what I was doing. I even visited Krakow and met the people who ran the program with my Dad over spring break. I didn't need to be told by some random people a bunch of generic cliches at 8 am on a Saturday morning. Needless to say, I was a bit hostile to all of this. Well, something that they told us at one of these classes has apparently been seared into my mind, and now I am experiencing the truth behind it. To be honest, I was even thinking about it long before I left for Hungary.

Well, Poland didn't work out. It wasn't that I showed up and decided I had made a mistake, I never went. Maybe you are wondering if I regret it, and while this is a loaded question, I will say I definitely don't regret my decision. I knew it wasn't right for me at the time. I wish it had been! As I said, I was jumping through various hoops (apparently it is far more complicated for a senior to go abroad than a junior!) and the final hoop was a paper that needed my signature. I stared at this paper until the last possible day, when I realized I just couldn't do it. If I signed the paper, I was officially withdrawing from all of my classes at BC that Fall. I couldn't. Of course there were other issues that lead to my decision, such as my own health, but I just could not imagine missing those classes and potentially losing housing with my best friend, and all during my senior year. (A short aside: For those who don't know, I had emergency gall bladder surgery during finals my sophomore year at BC, so needless to say I was worried about something like this occurring while in Poland.) But not going to Poland back in 2008 left a hole in my psyche and in my life experience. I NEEDED to go abroad and spend time in Central/Eastern Europe. I had studied this region for so long that I needed to make this happen.

Well it's interesting how things work out. If I had gone to Poland in 2008, I would have missed taking a class on East Central Europe in the Short 20th Century, with a Hungarian professor. I loved this class and it did a lot to boost not only my knowledge of the subject, but also my confidence as an "academic-in-traning" of sorts. I wrote a short, 25-page, research paper about the fascist regime in Croatia compared to what happened in Poland (Slovakia could also be added to this group, but I only had 25 pages!) during World War II, both Catholic countries, but with vastly different histories during the war. I felt like I could write a book on this subject, and that planted a seed in my mind that perhaps I would one day. Anyway, this class certainly put Hungary on my radar as a potential destination, and of course here I am now! Life has a funny way of making things work out in the end.

Back to my original thought. So this piece of advice that I keep turning over in my mind may not sound like much, and perhaps you've already heard it. I was told that generally speaking, there is a honeymoon period of about a month. Reality hasn't quite set in yet. Nothing seems quite real yet. But then around the beginning of October, you will have some intense culture shock and homesickness. Now if you've been reading my blog, you know that I didn't have much of a honeymoon period initially. I think I was crying by day 3 in Koszeg, but haven't since! I have been feeling a bit down lately though, partly because I have been sick for the last week, and being sick and alone is just not a good feeling. But I have noticed a similar sentiment with other CETP teachers, and it seems that early morning class was right on point. Look at that...September 29...right on schedule. But I will say, since the first part was so accurate, that though the recovery period varies, it will pass. They assured us of this. Maybe just a few days, maybe a couple of weeks, or longer, but it will pass and you will come out the other end barely wanting to go home. It is culture shock and it is very understandable for people in our position. I will say that having CETP has been AMAZING and I don't think I could have done this without it! It is such a comfort to read other blogs and see similar thoughts and experiences to my own. It's hard to be alone in a foreign country, but having CETP makes me feel like I'm not really alone, so thanks guys! You are all awesome!

And on that note, I will get back to nailing down my activities for tomorrow. Yay Friday!

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Sick...

Once again I have let my blogging slip, and I apologize. My trip last weekend to Budapest was lovely. I was adequately sunburned and it was great being able to shoot the breeze with other CETP people. It does your psyche wonders to just have a simple change of scenery. As an added bonus, this past weekend was the National Gallop which is a relatively new Hungarian festival that is put on to recognize the brilliant horsemanship that characterized the early Magyars. Being a horse-lover myself, this event was a dose of familiarity that was also highly appreciated.

When I returned to Koszeg on Sunday, I was pretty wiped. I realized I didn't have too much planning to do for the next day and I got to bed pretty early. But the next day, I felt unusually tired. You know that feeling where your body is trying to fight something and you just want to stay in bed? Well this was it. Monday and Tuesday I felt fine, but I knew something was coming if I wasn't careful. Well I did my best, vitamin C, lots of water and sleep, but sure enough Wednesday brought an achy feeling with it. Great. Thursday I still felt worse, but went to school anyway. Friday I could feel the flood gates opening. I called my contact teacher at 6:45 that morning and said it was probably in everyone's best interest if I stayed home since I was coughing and such. This was no problem, but in the next hour I had about four different teachers calling me offering to take me to the doctor. I so appreciated their concern, but you know I have a cold, it's certainly not pretty but I'm not gonna die. I know from going to the doctor at home that there's nothing that can be done for a cold since most likely it is viral. Well apparently things are different in Hungary. Everyone goes to the doctor if they feel under the weather. It is even required if you call in sick! So as I result, it seems I will be going on Monday! Lucky me haha. I'm feeling rather bad right now, and what makes it worse is that Koszeg's Harvest Festival is going on this weekend, and I feel too gross to get off my couch and walk down there. Even just walking across the street this morning to buy provisions felt like an immense effort. Once again, Hungary gets the better of me (lol).

But on the bright side of all of this, I felt that this was an excellent indicator of a growing positive relationship between myself and my colleagues. I feel very comforted that if anything was REALLY wrong, I would be well taken care of. I think they are starting to see by now that I am not a raving lunatic, and they really want to help me which is fabulous. I think word of this fact is actually slowly making it's way around town too. I've had a few positive encounters at a couple of stores as well as the bank, that has shown me a virtual turn around in peoples' attitudes toward me. In my broken Hungarian, I am able to tell them I'm American, and instantly their eyes light up and the ask if I am the English teacher over at the high school. Now don't be too proud of me, my Hungarian is not that good, but I am able to hear the words for "English teacher" and the name of my school, and I can pretty well guess what they are asking me. It feels great that people are starting to make more of an effort to talk to me using some version of Hung-lish (my broken Hungarian and their broken English/German). It is starting to feel more like home around here!

Friday, September 16, 2011

Set the World Aflame

As most or all of you know, I went to Boston College and it is a Jesuit Catholic university. While this fact did influence my decision to go to BC somewhat, it was only a contributing factor because of their academic excellence, but it slowly became a very influential part of my experience there. The Jesuits are different from pretty much any other Catholic order out there. Historically, these priests were travelers and missionaries, working to spread Catholicism throughout the world, often in very hostile environments. The Jesuits also consistently pushed the envelope of what was considered acceptable in Catholicism, and as such sometimes met with horrific deaths at the hands of their superiors. The Jesuits are not what I would consider to be "conservative Catholics" though this might be a bit redundant. They are always pushing their students to question everything, ask the tough questions, and in doing so make the world a better place.

Throughout my first week at BC as a freshman, various catch phrases and mottoes were drilled into our minds. At the time, I remember thinking that it was all a bit kitschy and much. But now I've been finding myself thinking a great deal about what St. Ignatius used to tell his followers, "Go out and set the world aflame!" This was one of the phrases repeated constantly throughout that first week, by the way. Now that I am out in the world, no longer in the comfort zone of home, this sentiment is starting to ring true to me. I'm not a very religious person, so perhaps this phrase does not hold exactly the same sentiments for me as it does for the Jesuits, but it does strike a cord. Perhaps they've influenced me much more than I ever thought while I was at BC. Since leaving BC, I have had a very strong desire to do something that holds meaning. I didn't want to spend my life behind a desk pushing paper for the next 45-50 years until I drop dead or retire. I could not see what good this would do for me or anyone else. Eventually I came to the decision to become a teacher, in the spirit of the Jesuits, and devote my life to education and making the world a better place because of that.

Well before going home and starting my "real life," I've decided to come to Europe for a while and teach English. I can see now really what the Jesuits mean by setting the world aflame. Generally, fires don't start with an explosion, but with little sparks that slowly catch and grow into something much larger. I know several of my classmates are doing some very exciting things back in the States, but also around the world. I like to think of each of us as one of these tiny sparks. No I might not be making a huge difference in the state of the world by helping some Hungarian teenagers with their English, but maybe through bettering their understanding as well as my understanding of our cultural differences, the state of affairs in the world will change slowly. I know the Internet has already had a huge impact on youth culture throughout the world, but I like to see those of us that spend time abroad as ambassadors too. Hopefully we are doing good work, and providing a positive view of our country to the world.

Anyway, this was my philosophical rant for the month. Setting the world aflame was something that I've just been thinking about a lot since I arrived in Hungary. I might be here alone, but it's nice to feel connected to a bigger picture, and feel like I am living out the values that were instilled in me throughout my education.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

I don't get it

You know what, today was actually a good day overall. I was told first thing (though it would have been nice to know yesterday, but this is Hungary) that 9d is away for the day on a class trip. Well ok. I enjoy that class, but I'm not complaining about getting an unexpected 45-minute break in my day! And I see them four times a week as it is, so they're not starving for my attention, I promise. 9a was great; we did a few different reinforcement activities for what they've been learning in their grammar classes. 12d part one was also great. Actually I think I won several of them over today, yay for building rapport! And actually had one student stop to talk to me after class was over. So going into my unexpected 45-minute break 4th period, I was feeling quite confident. Well, 5th period certainly helped to get my ego back where it belongs. This was 12d part two. There are just no words to describe how annoyed and frustrated I was with about five boys in that class today. It's like they entered the class having decided not the listen to me for whatever reason. I mean these classes are 45 minutes, really 40 minutes of actual instruction after all of the housekeeping at the beginning and end of class. You can't make me believe that 18 year olds are incapable of focusing for 40 minutes. I might cut some slack for the 9th graders. Boys that age, in particular, can be squirrely, but I don't mind it. They are generally very easy to refocus and not at all malicious. These older kids today almost seemed to have an agenda with me, and I don't like it. It will end now. I am pretty chummy with their homeroom teacher, and he will certainly be notified of their behavior. I am looking for all of the help I can get with this part of 12d and one part of 10d, but it almost seems like I am powerless in some of these situations. I am a teacher, but I'm not. I'm not sure what my recourse is when students are misbehaving in the moment. I know to tell their homeroom teacher and/or English teacher, but this cannot happen until after class is over. Well I will talk to some people tomorrow and see what can change for the future.

That class was a bad note to end on, and has left me with a bad taste in my mouth heading into tomorrow's lessons. I think I have decent plans in place, and these classes are generally fine with me. I have my first trip outside of Koszeg planned! I leave tomorrow afternoon for Budapest, and God willing, I should arrive there around 8pm. I am really looking forward to some good company, good food, and good times!

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Hello Miss Kelley!!!!

It has been a little while since I've written a real blog post, and I apologize. I am still very bad at blogging, but I have already been farther on this blog than my last one...so I suppose that's something. Even though I really like teaching, and the kids here in Koszeg are quite a pleasure to deal with most of the time, I am TIRED at the end of the day. Teaching is a very emotional profession, especially for someone relatively new to teaching. Also, as I found in France (mind you I was only there for 5 weeks) it is very mentally draining to be immersed in another culture and language. Not that I don't appreciate every second that I am spending here, but at the end of the day I must admit that I do enjoy retreating into my apartment and having some quality time watching some American TV shows or something of that nature. It's almost as though I need a couple of hours listening to an American accent to decompress my mind before ironing out my plans for the next day. Perhaps this is just a phase I am going through, but for right now this little routine is helping to keep me sane and positive.

I will say that I am getting much more proficient at shopping and using my gas stove and oven. All of these new processes were a bit overwhelming for the first week, but now I'm starting to feel the semblance of a rhythm or routine to my weeks that will surely make time fly. It's hard to believe that it's been almost a month since I left home. At this rate, Christmas will be here before I know it. I have just about six weeks until Fall Break, which is a week long, and entails a trip with my fellow CETP teachers. Based upon the good times had in Budapest during orientation, I am really looking forward to it! A whole week with fellow Americans...YAY! I kid, but it will be nice to talk at a normal speed and just have some time to compare notes and decompress after eight weeks of teaching. Then after Fall Break, just over five weeks until I fly home for Christmas! That will just fly by I'm sure. No pun intended. I'm not telling you this to give you the impression that I am counting down the days until I leave, but it's just amazing to me that I'm not dying of homesickness yet. As my previous posts described, I was very worried about the homesickness, but so far it has not been a big issue. Culture shock was a lot at first, but quickly passed once I met my students and have continued to get settled.

One startling difference between Hungarians and Americans is our process of greeting each other. In America, it is not at all obligatory to greet anyone less than a very good acquaintance or friend. I was lucky if my students in Virginia made eye contact with me in the hallway much less actually greeted me. Here I'm getting, "Hello Miss Kelley!!" yelled at me across the campus. I'm getting used to saying, "Hello," "Hi," or "Szia" to just about every person I pass throughout the day. Even in packs of 10 kids, they ALL say hello to me. I'm not kidding. So among all of the negativity I described in the first couple of posts, there are these little beams of light that are starting to break through. The kids seem to really like me, and overall, they are very nice people that I enjoy being around. I'm looking forward to working with them throughout the year! More to come soon...Pictures of my school below!

~Kristen

The Stairs Going up to the First Floor

Entrance -- Just inside the Front Door

Front View

Full View -- So Pretty!

Saturday, September 10, 2011

This is Not a Valid Post

Hi!
 I am writing to tell you two things. I FINALLY have internet in my apartment! Yay! So my quest is finally over. I will tell you the full story about how the internet came to be a bit later, because I think it is a classic experience. Also, about a week after my departure to Hungary, my parents adopted a new puppy. Coincidence, I think not. My replacement's name is Charlie for the time being (by the way I'm kidding about the replacement thing....maybe) and he's very cute, so I wanted to post a couple of pictures on here so you can see him! Enjoy!

Charlie -- Sitting in our kitchen


Charlie and Bailey -- I'm glad Bailey is being a good big brother